every cell in my body needs you...... I'm addicted to your chocolate high
listening to this song and it remind me of him.... then i listened to other song and still it remind me of him.
then i listened to this one song that just breaks my heart....... I'm doin' just fine - Boys 2 Man
my dying heart made it hard to breathe.... but you can save your tired apologies, I'm doin' just fine...... you were my earth, my number one priority i gave my love to only you, anything you ask of me i would do.... you no longer have my heart..... I'm doin' just fine getting along very well without you...... you no longer on my mind.... when you say goodbye, i felt so all alone, after all the pain a misery you put me through, its unfair to me boy, you are no longer my world, and i don't need you... at all. time made me stronger you are no longer on my mind.
but then again i do need him. and i dare my self to listen to another song, and its I Cant Make You Love Me - Teza Sumendra cover.
cause i cant make you love me if you don't, you cant make your heart feel something you wont, here in the dark in this final hour, i will lay down my heart and feel the power........ i close my eyes, then i wont see, the love you dont feel when you are holding me, morning will come and i'll deal whats right, just give me till then to give up this fight.
Senin, 25 November 2013
Selasa, 29 Oktober 2013
mr. number fourteen
so its my birthday 5 days ago, and someone just decide to show up :) la la la
he's my ex boyfriend who i happen to at some point being mention in this blog here it goes
well, my insane friend just decide to search for his line ID and just mssg him out of the blue, telling him that he shud come to my surprise party.
its insanity, the last time i saw him was somewhat two years ago, when we finally, well he officially got sick of me. a lot of people eventually did.
and for two years it was total AWOL, we did not even talk at all, and the fact that even said yes to my totally crazy friend was a miracle itself, he drove a car to my house which is very very very very far from what i have always known as his house, and turns out it did took him 3 and 1/2 hour drive to my house, jakarta traffic is just inevitably insane.
i dont even know how to react when i saw his face in my room. its indescribable.
he has changed a lot, this is him when he was with me:
he wore sleeveless tops very very often, use his worn out converse black shoes, loving asking alexandria, wearing bra straps on his wrist, and a wrist band he usually took from me, and he's rock n roll as fuck, he smoke all the time, drink all the time, use this scouter to go to my house, and ranting about how his sexy byson motorcycle has not arrived yet, and saying how cool he would look with it, and he is just dropdead rock n roll.
and this is him now:
a lot skinnier(which i hate so much) get rid of the rock n roll stuff, and switch to this very preppy look, with his shirt and vans shoes, and he drove a car now, not so much of rock n roll anymore, his wrist is clean of either band or bra straps, well he still drink from what i heard, ditch asking alexandria and listen to tame impala (the funniest thing on earth is that i happen to only love tame impala out of the other similar type of band) and he uses glasses again now.
and then the ugly truth hits me hard.
he is gone. when i looked at him, i don't see my boyfriend anymore.
i dont see the person i used to love very much, he is officially gone.
now my memories are officially memories, and he is a memory to his present self.
and it just hit me, that people changes, and i cant feel that i am changing.
love really is something that hides behind your eyes, with one look, everything falls back in, i never really did forget him, he is a part of my wasted heart.
well i talked about valdy far more often that i ever talk about him, but you know........ it does not mean that he's not there.
he's the only ex boyfriend i always blabb about. bedil this. bedil that. bedil who. bedil what. my best friend knows that. they said they were afraid that i turned out to be sad than happy to see him.
well FYI i really am happy, because i miss him like crazy, and its funny and its weird, but it does worth the shot.
we did not even hug at all, we shake hands, yes the ex lover, the one i used to run into when my eyes caught his sight, and the one i used to kiss, the one i used to watch family guy with, the one i used to rest to when i am tired, the one that hold me in my sleep (well while waiting for his friend to reply his mssg) and the one person i used to never felt to be awkward with. yes we shake hands.
and he left early, he said he have to go somewhere else, and i said thankyou that he actually took his time on stop by just to wish me happy birthday, i took a picture with him, its just .... i dont even know the word.
but i am glad that he is there, so much. bcs i really do miss him all these years.
he's my ex boyfriend who i happen to at some point being mention in this blog here it goes
well, my insane friend just decide to search for his line ID and just mssg him out of the blue, telling him that he shud come to my surprise party.
its insanity, the last time i saw him was somewhat two years ago, when we finally, well he officially got sick of me. a lot of people eventually did.
and for two years it was total AWOL, we did not even talk at all, and the fact that even said yes to my totally crazy friend was a miracle itself, he drove a car to my house which is very very very very far from what i have always known as his house, and turns out it did took him 3 and 1/2 hour drive to my house, jakarta traffic is just inevitably insane.
i dont even know how to react when i saw his face in my room. its indescribable.
he has changed a lot, this is him when he was with me:
he wore sleeveless tops very very often, use his worn out converse black shoes, loving asking alexandria, wearing bra straps on his wrist, and a wrist band he usually took from me, and he's rock n roll as fuck, he smoke all the time, drink all the time, use this scouter to go to my house, and ranting about how his sexy byson motorcycle has not arrived yet, and saying how cool he would look with it, and he is just dropdead rock n roll.
and this is him now:
a lot skinnier(which i hate so much) get rid of the rock n roll stuff, and switch to this very preppy look, with his shirt and vans shoes, and he drove a car now, not so much of rock n roll anymore, his wrist is clean of either band or bra straps, well he still drink from what i heard, ditch asking alexandria and listen to tame impala (the funniest thing on earth is that i happen to only love tame impala out of the other similar type of band) and he uses glasses again now.
and then the ugly truth hits me hard.
he is gone. when i looked at him, i don't see my boyfriend anymore.
i dont see the person i used to love very much, he is officially gone.
now my memories are officially memories, and he is a memory to his present self.
and it just hit me, that people changes, and i cant feel that i am changing.
love really is something that hides behind your eyes, with one look, everything falls back in, i never really did forget him, he is a part of my wasted heart.
well i talked about valdy far more often that i ever talk about him, but you know........ it does not mean that he's not there.
he's the only ex boyfriend i always blabb about. bedil this. bedil that. bedil who. bedil what. my best friend knows that. they said they were afraid that i turned out to be sad than happy to see him.
well FYI i really am happy, because i miss him like crazy, and its funny and its weird, but it does worth the shot.
we did not even hug at all, we shake hands, yes the ex lover, the one i used to run into when my eyes caught his sight, and the one i used to kiss, the one i used to watch family guy with, the one i used to rest to when i am tired, the one that hold me in my sleep (well while waiting for his friend to reply his mssg) and the one person i used to never felt to be awkward with. yes we shake hands.
and he left early, he said he have to go somewhere else, and i said thankyou that he actually took his time on stop by just to wish me happy birthday, i took a picture with him, its just .... i dont even know the word.
but i am glad that he is there, so much. bcs i really do miss him all these years.
Minggu, 27 Oktober 2013
heartless, my little man he is
heartless, my little man he is.
there are parts of heart, to love different things.
there are shapes of the face of the loved ones
there are sizes of how big the affection felt
he did not lose his heart
he did not lose the ability to feel
he is just heartless shape of my face
heartless parts to love me
he cut it off
or it just rot its way to the grave
its pitch dark as the hole of a pole
its scared
and its broken.
there are parts of heart, to love different things.
there are shapes of the face of the loved ones
there are sizes of how big the affection felt
he did not lose his heart
he did not lose the ability to feel
he is just heartless shape of my face
heartless parts to love me
he cut it off
or it just rot its way to the grave
its pitch dark as the hole of a pole
its scared
and its broken.
Selasa, 15 Oktober 2013
this is getting old v
it has been for the longest time, felt like forever.
he is still all i ever wanted in my life, and i hate the way i don't hate him.
he needs to be dead, or i have to hate him to death to be able to move this sad story somewhere else because the plot has been stuck for quite a while.
and i am bored, with the way i long for his presence around me, i am bored with how he always going to be unreachable.
my epic love is not the one i hide between the shadow, its out on display for the rest of the world
he is nothing special, he is ordinary, he is stupid, he's a delusional dreamer, and he breaks my heart.
and i am tired of fatigue, i'm tired of hiding my soul beneath my eyes, and the sadness that breaks my silent night.
while he is out there dancing tango with the girl that he grow affection upon, i am here shouting the despair in the center of my wasted heart.
and i am such an imbecile for not even considering the situation, practicing self denial with just a little possibilities that comes only when i have to turn and change my life the complete other way around.
and this is getting old, yes.
all the pain and the forlorn, yes.
all the burning thoughts, yes.
even the memory i cherish the most shoot me with a riffle gun.
this is getting old.
all energy i waste on loving him, yes.
all the time that passed by me because of him, yes.
and all the good times, only ones i ever remembered about him, yes.
he's a cancer of my soul.
i have soul cancer and its all because of him.
and now that you know, my soul has been damaged you see why he is in the vessel of my blood, and in the beating heart of mine.
and he lives in every cell in my system, to the smallest form there is.
he lives in every component of oxygen i inhaled, he is in every atom that moves unnoticeably, to the obviousness of sun's goodbye.
he is just always there even when he is never been there, and i am bored of my pathetic illusion of him everywhere.
this is getting old.
and he forgot to bought me the ticket to move on. and i don't know where to go, i left myself to him blind folded, and now i can't find my way back home.
to my perfect scarless loving heart.
to my pure sanity.
to the place where i thought falling into his oblivion is a fairy tale.
he is still all i ever wanted in my life, and i hate the way i don't hate him.
he needs to be dead, or i have to hate him to death to be able to move this sad story somewhere else because the plot has been stuck for quite a while.
and i am bored, with the way i long for his presence around me, i am bored with how he always going to be unreachable.
my epic love is not the one i hide between the shadow, its out on display for the rest of the world
he is nothing special, he is ordinary, he is stupid, he's a delusional dreamer, and he breaks my heart.
and i am tired of fatigue, i'm tired of hiding my soul beneath my eyes, and the sadness that breaks my silent night.
while he is out there dancing tango with the girl that he grow affection upon, i am here shouting the despair in the center of my wasted heart.
and i am such an imbecile for not even considering the situation, practicing self denial with just a little possibilities that comes only when i have to turn and change my life the complete other way around.
and this is getting old, yes.
all the pain and the forlorn, yes.
all the burning thoughts, yes.
even the memory i cherish the most shoot me with a riffle gun.
this is getting old.
all energy i waste on loving him, yes.
all the time that passed by me because of him, yes.
and all the good times, only ones i ever remembered about him, yes.
he's a cancer of my soul.
i have soul cancer and its all because of him.
and now that you know, my soul has been damaged you see why he is in the vessel of my blood, and in the beating heart of mine.
and he lives in every cell in my system, to the smallest form there is.
he lives in every component of oxygen i inhaled, he is in every atom that moves unnoticeably, to the obviousness of sun's goodbye.
he is just always there even when he is never been there, and i am bored of my pathetic illusion of him everywhere.
this is getting old.
and he forgot to bought me the ticket to move on. and i don't know where to go, i left myself to him blind folded, and now i can't find my way back home.
to my perfect scarless loving heart.
to my pure sanity.
to the place where i thought falling into his oblivion is a fairy tale.
Selasa, 30 Juli 2013
fafa flaffy my waffly.
fafa is the brother that i never had. the boyfriend with no reward. one of the best person in my life.
he used to be my senior in high school, and he is recently studying at EICAR film academy in Paris.
and its holiday now so i got to see him again, because he is in the country at the moment.
and i met him a couple of time i'll put a pict of us later on the post.
he couldn't come back in anymore perfect time than now. my life recently has been quite a crazy ride for a sixteenyearsold. and when the time i needed his hugs the most he is here to hug me, and never let the hugs go...
i have always wanted to have a big brother, to look out after me, to be there when i cry, to lend his shoulder when i need to rest my head.
i tell you something that his hugs are the best, I'm not trying to exaggerate, but you know that feeling that you could be just safe forever there, like valdy's hug, yeah fafa's hug is kinda like that too, maybe the fact that i trust this person so much, and how i long to have a brother just like him made everything just perfectly perfect.
at times i feel like i could just you know put all of my weight in his hugs and it wont matter at all. i could cry a river and everything still going to be alright.
he may not always be there for me, or he may not always so eager to listen, but he tried his best to be there for me and to listen to me and that means the world to me.
he is someone that i never thought would play such a big role in my life, i mean guys he's my senior, at school, where i am notorious for the scandal that i am involved in.
but unlike most people he gave me chance, he gave me the benefit of the doubt.
no matter how twisted i am.
and he support me even if he is thousand miles apart. he tried. never to let me down.
i wish everyone of you has your own fafa you know 0.0
he used to be my senior in high school, and he is recently studying at EICAR film academy in Paris.
and its holiday now so i got to see him again, because he is in the country at the moment.
and i met him a couple of time i'll put a pict of us later on the post.
he couldn't come back in anymore perfect time than now. my life recently has been quite a crazy ride for a sixteenyearsold. and when the time i needed his hugs the most he is here to hug me, and never let the hugs go...
i have always wanted to have a big brother, to look out after me, to be there when i cry, to lend his shoulder when i need to rest my head.
i tell you something that his hugs are the best, I'm not trying to exaggerate, but you know that feeling that you could be just safe forever there, like valdy's hug, yeah fafa's hug is kinda like that too, maybe the fact that i trust this person so much, and how i long to have a brother just like him made everything just perfectly perfect.
at times i feel like i could just you know put all of my weight in his hugs and it wont matter at all. i could cry a river and everything still going to be alright.
he may not always be there for me, or he may not always so eager to listen, but he tried his best to be there for me and to listen to me and that means the world to me.
he is someone that i never thought would play such a big role in my life, i mean guys he's my senior, at school, where i am notorious for the scandal that i am involved in.
but unlike most people he gave me chance, he gave me the benefit of the doubt.
no matter how twisted i am.
and he support me even if he is thousand miles apart. he tried. never to let me down.
i wish everyone of you has your own fafa you know 0.0
Rabu, 24 Juli 2013
v for val
Its always gonna come down to this moment.
And i hate it so much when this time comes around .
And i just wanna close my eyes and let it go, but i cant do that, these memory are the ones left behind for me yo hold on to, and i have nothing else.
But this memory kills me, it breaks my bones, and burn my flesh, it feels like a knife stabbing on my chest.
And it follows me to every dark alley, a light that blinds my eyes but guide me through the darkness.
He's the light of the world . My world.
Well atleast he used to be. Not anymore . Everything changes.
except my feeling perhaps. this is sad.
He likes it when i break down and cry, its his thing breaking promises he made, and his entertaiment is seeing me going out of my head, and having my heart fall out.
Watching me whorship him from time to time. Laughing at my misery.
Having so much fun putting rocks on my way.
Anyway i just finished watching the easy A.
Well like every other time i watched this kind of movie, i am always going to cry and put my hand together form a fist and violating my blanket.
I wanted to have these moment someday, you know, or maybe i did but theres just no camera around to capture my amazingly sweet cliche moment. I dont know.
Or the fact that things like this become much more casual nowdays, it becomes so meaningless, but for someone that have quite a twisted point of view on these things i cant really say that.
movies drives me 50 shades of cray cray
And i hate it so much when this time comes around .
And i just wanna close my eyes and let it go, but i cant do that, these memory are the ones left behind for me yo hold on to, and i have nothing else.
But this memory kills me, it breaks my bones, and burn my flesh, it feels like a knife stabbing on my chest.
And it follows me to every dark alley, a light that blinds my eyes but guide me through the darkness.
He's the light of the world . My world.
Well atleast he used to be. Not anymore . Everything changes.
except my feeling perhaps. this is sad.
He likes it when i break down and cry, its his thing breaking promises he made, and his entertaiment is seeing me going out of my head, and having my heart fall out.
Watching me whorship him from time to time. Laughing at my misery.
Having so much fun putting rocks on my way.
Anyway i just finished watching the easy A.
Well like every other time i watched this kind of movie, i am always going to cry and put my hand together form a fist and violating my blanket.
I wanted to have these moment someday, you know, or maybe i did but theres just no camera around to capture my amazingly sweet cliche moment. I dont know.
Or the fact that things like this become much more casual nowdays, it becomes so meaningless, but for someone that have quite a twisted point of view on these things i cant really say that.
movies drives me 50 shades of cray cray
another one
today is alfrida birthday surprise party and i went to mcd meeting all of the people there, and there is one person that i am so anxious about.
guess?
of course its valdy.................. oh for the love of god.
so it was merely awkward at first, we did not even speak to each other, i know for sure that he's somehow trying to avoid me.
idk..... maybe its just my feeling.
my heart beats faster than lifeguards during a rescue on a very dangerous rip. he is a dangerous rip tho, i am stuck after all.
i'm trying hard to talk to him. think about all of the things i could come up with, but the only sentences coming outta my mouth was a sarcastic comment criticizing his credibility.
i know he probably want to punch me in the face, or let along care about what i say.
so i strike a conversation about the whole pilot thing, seemed to be working very well........
right before we part, he smiled at me.......... i dont even know what to feel
im exited. im happy. and i've been missing that smile for quite a while...
i forget how to be happy about it. don't get me wrong . i am thrilled to see that smile again. its just..........
i missed it so much, and knowing that i will never get that smile again. but turns out i see that smile again lighting the whole parking block.
i feel so blessed... i miss him so much.
guess?
of course its valdy.................. oh for the love of god.
so it was merely awkward at first, we did not even speak to each other, i know for sure that he's somehow trying to avoid me.
idk..... maybe its just my feeling.
my heart beats faster than lifeguards during a rescue on a very dangerous rip. he is a dangerous rip tho, i am stuck after all.
i'm trying hard to talk to him. think about all of the things i could come up with, but the only sentences coming outta my mouth was a sarcastic comment criticizing his credibility.
i know he probably want to punch me in the face, or let along care about what i say.
so i strike a conversation about the whole pilot thing, seemed to be working very well........
right before we part, he smiled at me.......... i dont even know what to feel
im exited. im happy. and i've been missing that smile for quite a while...
i forget how to be happy about it. don't get me wrong . i am thrilled to see that smile again. its just..........
i missed it so much, and knowing that i will never get that smile again. but turns out i see that smile again lighting the whole parking block.
i feel so blessed... i miss him so much.
Rabu, 26 Juni 2013
my Bondi Rescue First
So I am going to tell you a story about god damn blessed day
where I happen to turn on the TV and watch the National Geographic Adventure.
The Bondi Rescue was on at that particular moment, and that
is the first time I saw Trent Maxwell, or you can call him MAXI, he was cooking
a turkey, because it was thanksgiving perhaps, I can’t remember, I was so
mesmerized by him.
He was being pranked by the older lifeguards there, they
switch his turkey with some sort of small overcooked bird.
It was so funny.
I was just starting to become obsessed with Bondi Rescue, too
bad we don’t have channel ten here in Indonesia, anyway……. Then Maxi show up on
my flat screen, I was just speechlessly smiling and giggling like crazy, the
cutest human being I have ever seen, and he got this stars tattoos on his right
chest, it was just awesome, seeing him paddle to the sea rescuing people.
And I never wanna miss Bondi Rescue ever again
I never thought I would be a fan girl of a Bondi Lifeguard
before, but you know watching Bondi Rescue was the best time of the day, I know
it’s sad just watching a TV reality show in
summertime ( it’s also the title to
the theme song of Bondi Rescue)
And remembering my undying epic love towards the beaches and
seas everywhere this is the perfect show for me, I am pretty sure I looked like
a girl watching some teen series like Glee or Lizzie McGuire when I watch Bondi
Rescue.
I think to myself ‘what a freakin life they had’
Maxi started become a trainee on Bondi beach since he was 16
years-old, I am 16 too, and I don’t even know what I wanna do, maxi 21 now and
come one other older lifeguards seems like living the dreams, mega popular,
saving peoples live and stuff, having so much fun, being on the beach all day, I
know that their jobs come with responsibility but still………… its what they love
to do. Every day. For the rest of their life perhaps.
So I start searching about Bondi Rescue and I found out that
they did a few episodes in BALI, yeah you heard me right BALI, INDONESIA.
My fucking country, they have this episodes on 2008, I was a
bit pissed and disappointed, and questioning, WHY AM I NOT 17 YEARS OLD BY
THEN?! Why………..
I have the largest crush on Maxi, he’s not even the most handsome
or muscular, I mean Jesse Polock Hello. But I still love Maxi anyway.
Sad thing that all I can do is sit in this little room,
screaming and jumping around every time Bondi Rescue is on and freak out my
little sister, making her question about what is so special about Maxi, and
Maxi is just special, from the time he still wears his braces until he took it
off, cuts his spiky hair to a semi bald, I still love him anyway.
Finding Bondi Rescue is the yet to be the best thing I discover
this summer.
Then I open tumblr.com and search for #maxi #bondirescue
#bondi
Then I read all of this story about people who actually met
Maxi on Bondi and I was just crazy dying, I want to meet Maxi too.
All I want is fly to Australia, go find hotel right near the
Lifeguard Tower and wait every single day for Maxi at the beach, just to say
hi, take pictures, and hug him perhaps? That’ll be okay. that'll be great.
I’ll post some picture of him on my instagram @divanadria
and you know hoping to see him in AUS.
see you in Bondi mate!
"cool story mate, now go to sleep" -Trent Maxwell
okay maxi i will.
goodbye!
Senin, 13 Mei 2013
oh GAD.
well, another night, gue gatau gue mau ngomong sama siapa but need to get this shit out of my head, a soon as possible,I'm with my best friend right now, this is more This is more of a things that I would like to say to this particular person, so... Gue kinda super galau rite now, karna my BF -elhaq- is going out for lunch sama org yang dia suka, trs dia rada complain gitu abt having lunch instead of dinner which is much more compared to a lunch.
Trs gue pengen cerita parah banget sama this person, well just call him X, so gue pengen banget cerita sama X abt this, X taunya gue suka sama temennya, which I fancy so much, karna temennya itu ... Well temennya itu si manusia sempurna gue . trs gue bilang . That I wanted to talk, tp apparently dia cape banget, and he just got off from a LONG phone call with someone anonymous, yang dia gamau kasih tau gue . Well . Gue akhirnya stuck dan mendem perasaan ini . Again. Kali ini gue bakalan beneran nangis di toilet deh . Tadinya gue pengen bilang ..
:I would kill to be on a lunch date sama Y, it doesn't even have to be a date, at all. I'm a 16-years-old girl... I want stuff like that, like what elhaq have:( huhu . It feels good to be wanted .
In fact, gue pengennya lunch date sama dia, gue would kill for a lunch with X, and I'm dying trying not to think abt it, but its what's on my mind every second, dan gue bener2 kepikiran, gue sering day dreaming about having all of this moment and incident with him, day dreaming about having a really sweet conversation, day dreaming abt swing dancing with him, day dreaming abt everything, it feels really weird that gue suka banget sama dia, and I don't want to tell anybody, gue selalu having hard time on not telling ppl who I like, soalnya its just,when I love a person gue bener2 like to show how epic my love is . But not this time . Cuman gue . Elhaq. Tuhan. Dan blog yang tau ini semua . Dan kali ini gue bener2 keep it to myself . Semua orang taunya gue sukanya sama Y . Bukan sama X . I mean . If only u could see my math book you'll know, isinya banyak namanya X . Fuck math. Gue kepikiran dia trs. Gue jadi loner, gapengen istirahat, gapengen jajan, gue duduk sendirian di bawah locker gue, mikirin dia, berharap dia disana, duduk sebelah gue nemenin gue, ngehibur gue, ketawa sama gue, curhat sama gue , even cuman jd temen aja its okay kok. Lama-lama gue jd makin sucker for him banget, dan gue gamau. Gue gasuka . Gue cape . Gue berubah, kenapa dia bisa rubah gue gini? Gue gangerti.
at the end of the day gue diam saja, gue seneng banget buat elhaq yang having lunch date sama dia, dan berlanjut sampe malem, walaupun mereka gapake candle light dinner seperti yang ada di otaknya dia, atleast dinner kan?
dan gue akan tunggu lunch date romantis gue suatu saat... kalau udh tepat.
Trs gue pengen cerita parah banget sama this person, well just call him X, so gue pengen banget cerita sama X abt this, X taunya gue suka sama temennya, which I fancy so much, karna temennya itu ... Well temennya itu si manusia sempurna gue . trs gue bilang . That I wanted to talk, tp apparently dia cape banget, and he just got off from a LONG phone call with someone anonymous, yang dia gamau kasih tau gue . Well . Gue akhirnya stuck dan mendem perasaan ini . Again. Kali ini gue bakalan beneran nangis di toilet deh . Tadinya gue pengen bilang ..
:I would kill to be on a lunch date sama Y, it doesn't even have to be a date, at all. I'm a 16-years-old girl... I want stuff like that, like what elhaq have:( huhu . It feels good to be wanted .
In fact, gue pengennya lunch date sama dia, gue would kill for a lunch with X, and I'm dying trying not to think abt it, but its what's on my mind every second, dan gue bener2 kepikiran, gue sering day dreaming about having all of this moment and incident with him, day dreaming about having a really sweet conversation, day dreaming abt swing dancing with him, day dreaming abt everything, it feels really weird that gue suka banget sama dia, and I don't want to tell anybody, gue selalu having hard time on not telling ppl who I like, soalnya its just,when I love a person gue bener2 like to show how epic my love is . But not this time . Cuman gue . Elhaq. Tuhan. Dan blog yang tau ini semua . Dan kali ini gue bener2 keep it to myself . Semua orang taunya gue sukanya sama Y . Bukan sama X . I mean . If only u could see my math book you'll know, isinya banyak namanya X . Fuck math. Gue kepikiran dia trs. Gue jadi loner, gapengen istirahat, gapengen jajan, gue duduk sendirian di bawah locker gue, mikirin dia, berharap dia disana, duduk sebelah gue nemenin gue, ngehibur gue, ketawa sama gue, curhat sama gue , even cuman jd temen aja its okay kok. Lama-lama gue jd makin sucker for him banget, dan gue gamau. Gue gasuka . Gue cape . Gue berubah, kenapa dia bisa rubah gue gini? Gue gangerti.
at the end of the day gue diam saja, gue seneng banget buat elhaq yang having lunch date sama dia, dan berlanjut sampe malem, walaupun mereka gapake candle light dinner seperti yang ada di otaknya dia, atleast dinner kan?
dan gue akan tunggu lunch date romantis gue suatu saat... kalau udh tepat.
entahlah
entahlah mau gue sekarang apa.
gue juga mau mengumumkan kalau waktu gue telah habis. beberapa waktu yang lalu adalah last day of school bagi anak kelas 12 disekolah gue . dan habislah kesempatan gue sampai disitu saja. gue udah terlambat.
gaada lagi kesempatan buat gue untuk ngeliatin dia lagi. 2 tiga hari gaberasa apa-apa karna ya libur, pas hari selasa gue lagi jalan menuju ke kelas math gue di gedung B2. dan seperti biasa gue taro tas dan ke locker gue di B3 untuk ambil buku math, dan perjalanan kesana itu selalu melewati kelasnya kakak.
ketika gue nengok ke kiri untuk liat dia dari kaca kecil yang ada di pintu tiap kelas, gue lihat kelas itu kosong, kursi di baris depan itu kosong, tempat dia biasa duduk dan sangat semangat belajar matematika (what kind of sorcery is that?!) sekarang telah kosong. dan disitu gue baru sadar...... kalo waktu gue udah habis. sedih sih. tapi gue pikir gue bakalan lebih sedih daripada ini. ternyata cuman sedikit penyesalan aja . walaupun gaada yang berubah selain kenyataan bahwa gue tau gue gak begitu terpengaruh sama dia.
sekarang udah hampir sebulan dari terakhir kali gue liat mereka sedang keliaran disekolah bareng2 kita. sekarang mereka cuman exam-exam mulu.
pada kemarin pagi gue bangun pagi dengan mata yg bengkak sebelah. gue yakin ini ulah eyang subur. tapi gue tunda rencana gue untuk ngambil pasukan atau injek-injek senjatanya karna gue udh mau terlambat sekolah.
di depan sekolah gue baru inget kalo gue harus pake kaus kaki ke sekolah, dan gue lupa bawa jaket gue . kurang sial apakah awal hari gue .
dengan bekal 30rb rupiah aku turun dari mobil menuju koperasi sekolah dan gue masuk buat beli kaos kaki dan sweater, supaya gue bisa bertahan hidup disekolah, dan ketika gue baru saja akan memakai kaos kaki itu, dan gue raihlah kaos kaki gue, tiba-tiba kakak masuk. sumpah dari sejuta orang miskin pulpen disekolah ini harus banget ya dia yang masuk ke dalem koperasi. harus banget ya pas gue lagi disana. harus banget ya? HARUS BANGET?! HARUS?!?!?!?!
gue deg-degan . gue bingung. gue stress. gue gemeter. gue panas. gue pusing. gue panggil dokter. kata dokter gue gila. gue kaget. gue pingsan. gue bangun. gue ternyata gak gila.
gak. gue gak lakuin semua itu. gue telpon mama. eh gadeng mama yang telpon gue, jadi gue langung sabet sweater dan kaos kaki gue dan cabut. padahal itulah kesempatan gue untuk bilang "hai kak, goodluck ya ulangannya" tapi gue gak lakuin gue . gue malahan pergi. tolol.
iya gue tau. maafin gue .
walaupun gue nyesel abitttchhhh! tapi gue gak ngerasa sedih seperti gue seharusnya, sedih.... tapi cuman dikit doang. gak lagi. dan gue bertanya lagi what kind of sorcery is this?! karna gue baru sekali ini ngerasa gak kehilangan ketika gue harusnya kehilangan sesuatu .
mungkinkah ini sejenis dengan defense mechanism? gue rasa nggak. gue rasa gue selama ini cuman kagum aja sama dia kali ya. mungkin itulah jawabannya. atau iya defense mechanism. gue udah tau dari awal ini bakalan kemana dan somehow gue udah siap untuk ini karna gue tau its coming anyway.
manusia yang aneh, gue kangen, dan gue bete, karna gue sebenernya pengen ngerasain sedihnya berpisah sama dia secara diam-diam saja, kayak sedihnya gue waktu gue harus pisah sama FAFA :"""( gue nangis di airport. gue doang lagi nyokap bokapnya nggak (iyalah orang mereka ikut kesana bego)
dan gue mulai meragukan kredibilitas gue sebagai seorang manusia. kalo kata john mayer. stay human stay hurt-able and it will be worth it. dan iya gue mau kok kayak gitu.
atau seperti Ted Mosby di HIMYM bilang " i want that feeling, i dont want to choose between to girl, i want to be head overheels stupid for one.
dan selayaknya Ross selalu mencintai Rachel di FRIENDS, atau seperti Temperance and Booth di BONES, Elphaba dan Fiyore di Wicked, atau seperti Eponine kepada Marius di Les Miserable, mereka semua head overheels stupid for someone.
mungkin mereka stupid, but at least they're not alone. mereka punya satu sama lain untuk nemenin mereka jadi orang bego.
dan gue ternyata pernah ngerasa kayak gitu, dan masih, dan akan selalu juga. itu gue ke valdy, tolol untuk satu orang, tolol untuk valdy. tapi gue seneng, walaupun ada saat dimana gue harus nelen semua sakit balik lagi ke hati gue. tapi gue tau kalo apa yang gue rasain itu that kind of feeling. dan gue hidup setengah jiwa kehilangan dia.
mungkin itu juga kenapa gue gabisa suka sama siapa-siapa se significant suka gue ke dia. karna semuanya tentang dia udah terlanjur terlalu banyal, dan gue benci deket dia, gue benci jauh dari dia, gue benci temen-temen gue main sama dia. gue benci semua orang tau apa kabarnya kecuali gue, gue benci dia mandang orang lain, gue benci dia senyumin orang lain, bukan karna gue obsesi sama dia tapi karena dia dulu gitu ke gue, dan waktu dia hilang gue harus nontonin semua orang dapetin seuatu yang berharga buat gue dengan gampangnya.
dan gue benci waktu ada yang gak menghargai dia, karna dia gue sayang, terus, gue sayang dia banget dan gue bakalan menghargai dia. gue benci mereka yang buat mimpinya tertunda dan terancam gagal, karna gue bakalan dukung dia ancur-ancuran ngejar mimpinya, tapi gue gabisa lakuin itu lagi.
dan entahlah.....
gue juga mau mengumumkan kalau waktu gue telah habis. beberapa waktu yang lalu adalah last day of school bagi anak kelas 12 disekolah gue . dan habislah kesempatan gue sampai disitu saja. gue udah terlambat.
gaada lagi kesempatan buat gue untuk ngeliatin dia lagi. 2 tiga hari gaberasa apa-apa karna ya libur, pas hari selasa gue lagi jalan menuju ke kelas math gue di gedung B2. dan seperti biasa gue taro tas dan ke locker gue di B3 untuk ambil buku math, dan perjalanan kesana itu selalu melewati kelasnya kakak.
ketika gue nengok ke kiri untuk liat dia dari kaca kecil yang ada di pintu tiap kelas, gue lihat kelas itu kosong, kursi di baris depan itu kosong, tempat dia biasa duduk dan sangat semangat belajar matematika (what kind of sorcery is that?!) sekarang telah kosong. dan disitu gue baru sadar...... kalo waktu gue udah habis. sedih sih. tapi gue pikir gue bakalan lebih sedih daripada ini. ternyata cuman sedikit penyesalan aja . walaupun gaada yang berubah selain kenyataan bahwa gue tau gue gak begitu terpengaruh sama dia.
sekarang udah hampir sebulan dari terakhir kali gue liat mereka sedang keliaran disekolah bareng2 kita. sekarang mereka cuman exam-exam mulu.
pada kemarin pagi gue bangun pagi dengan mata yg bengkak sebelah. gue yakin ini ulah eyang subur. tapi gue tunda rencana gue untuk ngambil pasukan atau injek-injek senjatanya karna gue udh mau terlambat sekolah.
di depan sekolah gue baru inget kalo gue harus pake kaus kaki ke sekolah, dan gue lupa bawa jaket gue . kurang sial apakah awal hari gue .
dengan bekal 30rb rupiah aku turun dari mobil menuju koperasi sekolah dan gue masuk buat beli kaos kaki dan sweater, supaya gue bisa bertahan hidup disekolah, dan ketika gue baru saja akan memakai kaos kaki itu, dan gue raihlah kaos kaki gue, tiba-tiba kakak masuk. sumpah dari sejuta orang miskin pulpen disekolah ini harus banget ya dia yang masuk ke dalem koperasi. harus banget ya pas gue lagi disana. harus banget ya? HARUS BANGET?! HARUS?!?!?!?!
gue deg-degan . gue bingung. gue stress. gue gemeter. gue panas. gue pusing. gue panggil dokter. kata dokter gue gila. gue kaget. gue pingsan. gue bangun. gue ternyata gak gila.
gak. gue gak lakuin semua itu. gue telpon mama. eh gadeng mama yang telpon gue, jadi gue langung sabet sweater dan kaos kaki gue dan cabut. padahal itulah kesempatan gue untuk bilang "hai kak, goodluck ya ulangannya" tapi gue gak lakuin gue . gue malahan pergi. tolol.
iya gue tau. maafin gue .
walaupun gue nyesel abitttchhhh! tapi gue gak ngerasa sedih seperti gue seharusnya, sedih.... tapi cuman dikit doang. gak lagi. dan gue bertanya lagi what kind of sorcery is this?! karna gue baru sekali ini ngerasa gak kehilangan ketika gue harusnya kehilangan sesuatu .
mungkinkah ini sejenis dengan defense mechanism? gue rasa nggak. gue rasa gue selama ini cuman kagum aja sama dia kali ya. mungkin itulah jawabannya. atau iya defense mechanism. gue udah tau dari awal ini bakalan kemana dan somehow gue udah siap untuk ini karna gue tau its coming anyway.
manusia yang aneh, gue kangen, dan gue bete, karna gue sebenernya pengen ngerasain sedihnya berpisah sama dia secara diam-diam saja, kayak sedihnya gue waktu gue harus pisah sama FAFA :"""( gue nangis di airport. gue doang lagi nyokap bokapnya nggak (iyalah orang mereka ikut kesana bego)
dan gue mulai meragukan kredibilitas gue sebagai seorang manusia. kalo kata john mayer. stay human stay hurt-able and it will be worth it. dan iya gue mau kok kayak gitu.
atau seperti Ted Mosby di HIMYM bilang " i want that feeling, i dont want to choose between to girl, i want to be head overheels stupid for one.
dan selayaknya Ross selalu mencintai Rachel di FRIENDS, atau seperti Temperance and Booth di BONES, Elphaba dan Fiyore di Wicked, atau seperti Eponine kepada Marius di Les Miserable, mereka semua head overheels stupid for someone.
mungkin mereka stupid, but at least they're not alone. mereka punya satu sama lain untuk nemenin mereka jadi orang bego.
dan gue ternyata pernah ngerasa kayak gitu, dan masih, dan akan selalu juga. itu gue ke valdy, tolol untuk satu orang, tolol untuk valdy. tapi gue seneng, walaupun ada saat dimana gue harus nelen semua sakit balik lagi ke hati gue. tapi gue tau kalo apa yang gue rasain itu that kind of feeling. dan gue hidup setengah jiwa kehilangan dia.
mungkin itu juga kenapa gue gabisa suka sama siapa-siapa se significant suka gue ke dia. karna semuanya tentang dia udah terlanjur terlalu banyal, dan gue benci deket dia, gue benci jauh dari dia, gue benci temen-temen gue main sama dia. gue benci semua orang tau apa kabarnya kecuali gue, gue benci dia mandang orang lain, gue benci dia senyumin orang lain, bukan karna gue obsesi sama dia tapi karena dia dulu gitu ke gue, dan waktu dia hilang gue harus nontonin semua orang dapetin seuatu yang berharga buat gue dengan gampangnya.
dan gue benci waktu ada yang gak menghargai dia, karna dia gue sayang, terus, gue sayang dia banget dan gue bakalan menghargai dia. gue benci mereka yang buat mimpinya tertunda dan terancam gagal, karna gue bakalan dukung dia ancur-ancuran ngejar mimpinya, tapi gue gabisa lakuin itu lagi.
dan entahlah.....
Selasa, 29 Januari 2013
swing your heart away div..
DEG DEG DEG DUARRRR JEDAG KACHING CING DUEG DAG DIG DUG DUAR KABOOOOM.
sekarang rasanya kaya gini nih hati gue sumpah asli. gangerti seneng tapi sedih deh pengen nangis sambil ketawa banget rasanya .
coba bayangin maunya apa coba hati gue seneng iya sedih iya juga .
gimana yaa rasanya tuh kayak lagi makan mie rebus spesial di roti bakar eddy tau gak.
enak banget, tapi pake cabe 13 bisa bisa bikin gue jadi penghuni toilet abadi. sakit .
tapi bikin ketagihan juga kayak drugs. mulai lagi hati gue gatau diri . selalu gini menyebalkan. gue pengen sobek-sobek hati gue trs gue kubur tau rasanya tapi pas gue kubur selalu tbtb udh ada lagi bikin gue stress . pengen guling-guling di tanah sambil jambak-jambak rambut trs teriak- teriak . oke lebay. tp gt rasanya . sumpah gue gaboong. ternyata kadang jadi orang gila itu enak juga, ternyata jadi manusia waras itu kadang harus bisa mendem, cuman bisa bayangin segala kelakuan yang pengen banget kita lakuin di dalam hati . cuman lo dan tuhan ..... dan blog kalo dalam kasus gue yang tau.
sekarang gue lagi di tuesday swing dance dan duduk di depan lapop biru ini sambil belaga jadi DJ profesional padahal job gue cuman pause and play doang . menyedihkan .
dan disini juga gue gabisa berenti ngeliatin pendekar merah nomor sembilan yang menjadi obsesi gue baru baru ini . jadi yeah.
gue merasa kayak dumb cheerleader banget rasanya, bengong liatin dia . baik banget lagi ga pilih kasih, pas ketawa mana lucu banget lagi gue gatahan .
inisih quoting broady di glee banget
"what ever we do, whenever, what ever we talked about, i'm thinking about kissing you"
sumpah inisih bener banget , gue jarang banget kayak gini loh sumpah asli gaboong beneran gue jarang boong . sering sih ya tapi sekarang gue beneran gue gaboong anjing *nangisditoilet*
gak gue ganangis di toilet gue bukan miyabi ataupun alya di AADC. walaupun tadi gue emang beneran ke toilet, pas dia masuk gue udh gatau deh stress banget . pengen jungkir balik . gue gainget kapan gue taro fireworks di perut gue . ini gaadil . gue gaterima. gue mau protes. gue mau tuker sama badan yang lain, yang gaada fireworks nya kayak gini . masih garansi gasih?
sedih .sedih " i miss the time that we used to kiss, at least in my dream" - tamia, Almost .
terus lagu anthem gue sih udah best i never had - The Downtown fiction dan Trouble - Never Shout Never .
i'm so in trouble, i'm an addict, i'm addicted to this boy, he got my heart tied in a knot and my stomach in a whirl, but even worst i can't stop calling him, he's all i wanting more , i mean DAMN...... WHAT'S NOT TO ADORE. i've been playing too much guitar, i've been listening to Jazz, i called so many times, i swear he's going mad and that cellular. will be the death of us i swear.. and oh! i run my mouth just like i got him, but i'm surely don't because he's so rock n' roll. and most importantly OUT OF MY LEAGUE .
gue butuh blog ini banget ternyata, kalo gaada blog ini gue mungkin udah gatau deh meledak, elhaq lagi swing dance soalnya. ini kelas east coast . gue anak lindi hop . tapi gue rela banget dateng ke east coast cuman demi liatin dia aja, tadinya gaada rencana untuk jadi stalker curi-curi pandang kayak remaja jaman nyokap gue dulu . tapi ya gimana .
menyelam sambil minum air sirup pake nata de coco, boleh kan? gak dosa kan menikmati kesempurnaan seorang cucu adam yang ada di depan mata .
kamu sembilan. sumpah deh sembilan punya saya aja . gaada yang boleh lagi . boleh deh sejak kapan juga saya punya hak milik atas kamu . iya saya tau ... inget kok warga kelas dua . gapantes? iya kali ya mungkin . ada apa dengan saya sih, kamu ngapain saya sih jadi gini .
" i'm seeig starts and there is nothing more that i hate baby. something that i gotta say, its disgusting, how i love you, god i hate me , i could kill you " ke$ha.
udah deh lelah , lagu cinta-cinta mulu nih otak gue. hina banget deh gue gamauuu ah . baru juga selesai patah hatinya, kenapa move on nya ke warga kelas 3 mana bisa mana bisa ah . gaakan bisa .
kalo pun ada bintang jatoh dan gue berharap sambil doa-doa komat kamit juga gaakan ada gunanya . begini terus aja .
tinggal waktu yang bicara, tinggal tunggu waktu yang sakitin hati ini.
gue yakin gue bisa jatuh cinta lebih dalam lagi daripada ini, inisih baru intro dari patah hati , elegi remaja kebanyakaan patah hati . belom ada apa-apanya, tunggu aja sampe nasib puas bikin gue gila gini.
sekarang rasanya kaya gini nih hati gue sumpah asli. gangerti seneng tapi sedih deh pengen nangis sambil ketawa banget rasanya .
coba bayangin maunya apa coba hati gue seneng iya sedih iya juga .
gimana yaa rasanya tuh kayak lagi makan mie rebus spesial di roti bakar eddy tau gak.
enak banget, tapi pake cabe 13 bisa bisa bikin gue jadi penghuni toilet abadi. sakit .
tapi bikin ketagihan juga kayak drugs. mulai lagi hati gue gatau diri . selalu gini menyebalkan. gue pengen sobek-sobek hati gue trs gue kubur tau rasanya tapi pas gue kubur selalu tbtb udh ada lagi bikin gue stress . pengen guling-guling di tanah sambil jambak-jambak rambut trs teriak- teriak . oke lebay. tp gt rasanya . sumpah gue gaboong. ternyata kadang jadi orang gila itu enak juga, ternyata jadi manusia waras itu kadang harus bisa mendem, cuman bisa bayangin segala kelakuan yang pengen banget kita lakuin di dalam hati . cuman lo dan tuhan ..... dan blog kalo dalam kasus gue yang tau.
sekarang gue lagi di tuesday swing dance dan duduk di depan lapop biru ini sambil belaga jadi DJ profesional padahal job gue cuman pause and play doang . menyedihkan .
dan disini juga gue gabisa berenti ngeliatin pendekar merah nomor sembilan yang menjadi obsesi gue baru baru ini . jadi yeah.
gue merasa kayak dumb cheerleader banget rasanya, bengong liatin dia . baik banget lagi ga pilih kasih, pas ketawa mana lucu banget lagi gue gatahan .
inisih quoting broady di glee banget
"what ever we do, whenever, what ever we talked about, i'm thinking about kissing you"
sumpah inisih bener banget , gue jarang banget kayak gini loh sumpah asli gaboong beneran gue jarang boong . sering sih ya tapi sekarang gue beneran gue gaboong anjing *nangisditoilet*
gak gue ganangis di toilet gue bukan miyabi ataupun alya di AADC. walaupun tadi gue emang beneran ke toilet, pas dia masuk gue udh gatau deh stress banget . pengen jungkir balik . gue gainget kapan gue taro fireworks di perut gue . ini gaadil . gue gaterima. gue mau protes. gue mau tuker sama badan yang lain, yang gaada fireworks nya kayak gini . masih garansi gasih?
sedih .sedih " i miss the time that we used to kiss, at least in my dream" - tamia, Almost .
terus lagu anthem gue sih udah best i never had - The Downtown fiction dan Trouble - Never Shout Never .
i'm so in trouble, i'm an addict, i'm addicted to this boy, he got my heart tied in a knot and my stomach in a whirl, but even worst i can't stop calling him, he's all i wanting more , i mean DAMN...... WHAT'S NOT TO ADORE. i've been playing too much guitar, i've been listening to Jazz, i called so many times, i swear he's going mad and that cellular. will be the death of us i swear.. and oh! i run my mouth just like i got him, but i'm surely don't because he's so rock n' roll. and most importantly OUT OF MY LEAGUE .
gue butuh blog ini banget ternyata, kalo gaada blog ini gue mungkin udah gatau deh meledak, elhaq lagi swing dance soalnya. ini kelas east coast . gue anak lindi hop . tapi gue rela banget dateng ke east coast cuman demi liatin dia aja, tadinya gaada rencana untuk jadi stalker curi-curi pandang kayak remaja jaman nyokap gue dulu . tapi ya gimana .
menyelam sambil minum air sirup pake nata de coco, boleh kan? gak dosa kan menikmati kesempurnaan seorang cucu adam yang ada di depan mata .
kamu sembilan. sumpah deh sembilan punya saya aja . gaada yang boleh lagi . boleh deh sejak kapan juga saya punya hak milik atas kamu . iya saya tau ... inget kok warga kelas dua . gapantes? iya kali ya mungkin . ada apa dengan saya sih, kamu ngapain saya sih jadi gini .
" i'm seeig starts and there is nothing more that i hate baby. something that i gotta say, its disgusting, how i love you, god i hate me , i could kill you " ke$ha.
udah deh lelah , lagu cinta-cinta mulu nih otak gue. hina banget deh gue gamauuu ah . baru juga selesai patah hatinya, kenapa move on nya ke warga kelas 3 mana bisa mana bisa ah . gaakan bisa .
kalo pun ada bintang jatoh dan gue berharap sambil doa-doa komat kamit juga gaakan ada gunanya . begini terus aja .
tinggal waktu yang bicara, tinggal tunggu waktu yang sakitin hati ini.
gue yakin gue bisa jatuh cinta lebih dalam lagi daripada ini, inisih baru intro dari patah hati , elegi remaja kebanyakaan patah hati . belom ada apa-apanya, tunggu aja sampe nasib puas bikin gue gila gini.
Senin, 28 Januari 2013
have you ever
have you ever like someone so much that you just wanna lock yourself up in your room, listen to sad music and cry?
well i did that's what i kinda feel at the moment.
i love this feeling of the entire zoo in my stomach, i like being head over heels stupid for one person, but i'm not sure weather this is love, or just a crush, but i swear to god, my heart beat so fast i could hardly breath anymore, this is not the fist time that i feel this kinda feeling, i've been there far too much before, but am i that stupid? i always knew that stuff like this will end up like it was before and i honestly don't like where this is going, but i can't resist the happiness that i felt when i saw him running around that stage, this is insane.
kenapa juga gue gapernah bisa kapok, terus-terusan kayak gini, gue selalu aja jatuh hati sama orang yang salah, kadang gue pengen dilahirkan dengan bakat untuk enggak jatuh cinta sembarangan, tapi gue gatau harus apa, gue bener-bener gatau.
gue juga sebenernya rada gamau dia tau kalo gue suka sama dia. peduli setan lah semua manusia bilang apa, dia bener-bener best i never had, gue bukan siapa-siapa, cuman warga kelas dua biasa, mending cantik, mending seksi, mending dia bakalan ngelirik gue, mending dia bakalan inget nama gue, perasaan ini tuh cuman nyampah doang di hati gue tau gak .
gue juga baru sadar sekarang kalau gue bener-bener suka sama dia, gue gangertiii banget kenapa gue bisa sebegitu deg-deg an nya . padahal setiap hari gue papasan sama dia, tapi gue tetep aja gabisa biasa aja gitu .
dia bukan manusia sempurna gue, tp kenapa gue malah lebih suka sama dia dibanding manusia semmpurna gue ya, bahkan kadang gue juga lebih suka dia dibandingin sama hamba tuhan, gue bingung, ini aneh, gue suka, tapi gue juga gasuka.
terus ada kabar kalo melati suka sama pendekar merah. trs nasib gue gimana? gue gaada apa2nya kalau dibandingin melati . bukannya gue harusnya suka sama manusia sempurna atau hamba tuhan? kenapa jadi sama pendekar merah. sumpah perasaan gue maunya apa banget . coba deh? gue harus apa coba kalo gini? gue gangerti. gue bingung . demi tuhan gue benci merasa kayak gini, gue benci . tapi gue suka, gue mau ngerasa kayak gini terus. gue cuman berharap, momen ini bisa berlangsung lama, karna cuman ini yang gue punya sama dia, gabanyak lagi .
joke gue di tangga waktu itu ternyata jadi beneran, gue bener-bener pengen spend time sama dia. at least sampe dia harus pergi dan cerita cinta gue selesai disana.
hati ini seharusnya melihat kepada manusia sempurna
tapi kenapa hati ini memilih pendekar merah
disaat melati mencintainya
aku bukan jelita
bukan untuk manusia sempurna
maupun untuk dia............
well i did that's what i kinda feel at the moment.
i love this feeling of the entire zoo in my stomach, i like being head over heels stupid for one person, but i'm not sure weather this is love, or just a crush, but i swear to god, my heart beat so fast i could hardly breath anymore, this is not the fist time that i feel this kinda feeling, i've been there far too much before, but am i that stupid? i always knew that stuff like this will end up like it was before and i honestly don't like where this is going, but i can't resist the happiness that i felt when i saw him running around that stage, this is insane.
kenapa juga gue gapernah bisa kapok, terus-terusan kayak gini, gue selalu aja jatuh hati sama orang yang salah, kadang gue pengen dilahirkan dengan bakat untuk enggak jatuh cinta sembarangan, tapi gue gatau harus apa, gue bener-bener gatau.
gue juga sebenernya rada gamau dia tau kalo gue suka sama dia. peduli setan lah semua manusia bilang apa, dia bener-bener best i never had, gue bukan siapa-siapa, cuman warga kelas dua biasa, mending cantik, mending seksi, mending dia bakalan ngelirik gue, mending dia bakalan inget nama gue, perasaan ini tuh cuman nyampah doang di hati gue tau gak .
gue juga baru sadar sekarang kalau gue bener-bener suka sama dia, gue gangertiii banget kenapa gue bisa sebegitu deg-deg an nya . padahal setiap hari gue papasan sama dia, tapi gue tetep aja gabisa biasa aja gitu .
dia bukan manusia sempurna gue, tp kenapa gue malah lebih suka sama dia dibanding manusia semmpurna gue ya, bahkan kadang gue juga lebih suka dia dibandingin sama hamba tuhan, gue bingung, ini aneh, gue suka, tapi gue juga gasuka.
terus ada kabar kalo melati suka sama pendekar merah. trs nasib gue gimana? gue gaada apa2nya kalau dibandingin melati . bukannya gue harusnya suka sama manusia sempurna atau hamba tuhan? kenapa jadi sama pendekar merah. sumpah perasaan gue maunya apa banget . coba deh? gue harus apa coba kalo gini? gue gangerti. gue bingung . demi tuhan gue benci merasa kayak gini, gue benci . tapi gue suka, gue mau ngerasa kayak gini terus. gue cuman berharap, momen ini bisa berlangsung lama, karna cuman ini yang gue punya sama dia, gabanyak lagi .
joke gue di tangga waktu itu ternyata jadi beneran, gue bener-bener pengen spend time sama dia. at least sampe dia harus pergi dan cerita cinta gue selesai disana.
hati ini seharusnya melihat kepada manusia sempurna
tapi kenapa hati ini memilih pendekar merah
disaat melati mencintainya
aku bukan jelita
bukan untuk manusia sempurna
maupun untuk dia............
Kamis, 24 Januari 2013
backyard
disinlah cinta terbukti kembali terpendam .
gangerti banget, besok sekolah, tapi gue adalah remaja, emang suka gatau diri kalo libur sehari langsung liar banget .
duduklah gue disini. backyard. bersama 3 wanita feral namanya Balqis, Acit, dan Citra.
yessss acit adalah wanita cina yang gue potong rambutnya waktu itu.
disini cinta terbukti kembali terpendam, iya kalo kata raditya dika itu hidup itu penuh dengan jatuh cinta diam-diam.
kita entah dari mana akhirnya membicarakan soal cinta lama yang bersemi 'di hati sendiri' kembali .
gue punya cinta lama yang bersemi kembali, dan malah selalu bersemi dan gapernah nggak. valdy .
balqis acit dan citra pun gue yakin punya satu cinta lama yang terus di simpan diam-diam oleh mereka ber tiga, kali ini kita sedang membahas balqis.
gue gatau maunya semesta apa, ketika gue melihat cerita cinta antara balqis dan cinta lamanya, kenapa mereka gak bersatu aja? gue gatau.
mungkin aja cinta lamanya balqis udh punya cinta baru, balqis juga punya cinta baru sih.
gue cuman penasaran aja ada gak ya, tampat dia suatu dimensi di semesta lain dimana mereka bisa dipersatukan dengan tentram dan bahagia selalu sentosa.
gue sedih. gue sampe nangis . gue juga gatau kenapa gue selalu bisa nangisin cerita cinta orang lain, tapi cuman kalo misalnya cinta itu tulus aja, gue emang selalu kurang normal.
tapi disini gue bisa membuka topeng seseorang yang gue gapernah liat, sebenarnya gue kebetulan sekali kenal dengan cinta lama balqis ini. kenal doang. ngga akrab. ngga pernah ngomong. nyapa aja jarang banget . tapi lewat balqis dan tulisan tulisan hati orang ini gue bisa mengerti . sedikit tentang siapa dia . paling nggak sekarang gue memberi poin lebih kepada dia.
diatanra semua cerita tentang bagaimana cinta dia kepada balqis, mungkin cuman sedikit yang tau kalau rasa yang sama ada di sisi balqis, penyesalan datangnya terlambat, gue tau itu . tau banget. dan kalo gue tanya apa maunya semesta? mungkin semesta gamau cinta lama balqis untuk move on dan ga sakit hati lagi. iyasih balqis memang bodoh idiot feral dan segala kata-kata kasar yang gue gapunya waktu untuk tulis, atau nanti blog gue ditangkep gara-gara ga lulus sensor.
tapi gue tau kalo balqis bener-bener nyesel, dan dia masih sayang .
disinilah cinta terbukti kembali terpendam. bukan di satu hati aja. tapi di dua hati.
tiga deh. tambahin sama hati gue yang selalu acak-acakan inside. mikirin valdy yang semakin hari semakin anjing . tapi gue udh abis kata-katasih buat ngomong sama dia. kayak ngomong sama tembok. gaada gunanya banget .
anyway, sekarang gue lagi duduk. ngetik. ngerampas macbooknya balqis buat nge blog. udh rasanya udh lama banget gak ngeblog . setelah mau sok-sok bule dengan nge post pake bahasa inggris, gue sadar kalo grammar gue ga beda jauh sama google translate, masih banyak cacatnya. mulai sekarang gue akan kembali lagi menggunakan bahasa indonesia.
gue menyaksikan balqis sedang menahan sakit di ulu hatinya itu, melihat dia nyoba buat nelen semua perasaannya ke ujung kakinya supaya lupa, dia tau kalau ini salah dia . tapi bukannya lebih baik terlambat daripada ngga sama sekali. gue disini menyaksian cintanya yang harus di tarik lagi masuk ke dalam jiwanya, gabisa di lepas, kembali lagi terhalang oleh keadaan. disini gue duduk dan ngeliat balqis yang megangin iPhonenya dan berkali-kali memejamkan matanya demi menahan rasa sakit luka yang dia buat sendiri . life is ironically funny, dia yang tembak mati cinta lamanya tapi dia ikut ketembak . dia yang mutusin tali diantara mereka, tapi malahan dia yang jatoh . jatuh cinta itu cape . sumpah cape. tapi manusia tetep ngelakuin itu terus-terusan. disini gue jadi saksi balqis yang harus menahan tangis karna dia mau ketemu so-called-cinta barunya balqis.
tapi gue tau. dan gue ngerti sakitnya. gue pernah disana. pernah ngerasain semua jenis sakit yang dia rasain. gue juga pernah merem-merem liatin kenangan, tiduran di sofa di cafe yang sepi nangis, sakit.
balqis gaakan bisa lama-lama boong, hatinya masih disana, masih di tempat dimana dia memutuskan untuk berjalan beda arah sama cinta lamanya.
gangerti banget, besok sekolah, tapi gue adalah remaja, emang suka gatau diri kalo libur sehari langsung liar banget .
duduklah gue disini. backyard. bersama 3 wanita feral namanya Balqis, Acit, dan Citra.
yessss acit adalah wanita cina yang gue potong rambutnya waktu itu.
disini cinta terbukti kembali terpendam, iya kalo kata raditya dika itu hidup itu penuh dengan jatuh cinta diam-diam.
kita entah dari mana akhirnya membicarakan soal cinta lama yang bersemi 'di hati sendiri' kembali .
gue punya cinta lama yang bersemi kembali, dan malah selalu bersemi dan gapernah nggak. valdy .
balqis acit dan citra pun gue yakin punya satu cinta lama yang terus di simpan diam-diam oleh mereka ber tiga, kali ini kita sedang membahas balqis.
gue gatau maunya semesta apa, ketika gue melihat cerita cinta antara balqis dan cinta lamanya, kenapa mereka gak bersatu aja? gue gatau.
mungkin aja cinta lamanya balqis udh punya cinta baru, balqis juga punya cinta baru sih.
gue cuman penasaran aja ada gak ya, tampat dia suatu dimensi di semesta lain dimana mereka bisa dipersatukan dengan tentram dan bahagia selalu sentosa.
gue sedih. gue sampe nangis . gue juga gatau kenapa gue selalu bisa nangisin cerita cinta orang lain, tapi cuman kalo misalnya cinta itu tulus aja, gue emang selalu kurang normal.
tapi disini gue bisa membuka topeng seseorang yang gue gapernah liat, sebenarnya gue kebetulan sekali kenal dengan cinta lama balqis ini. kenal doang. ngga akrab. ngga pernah ngomong. nyapa aja jarang banget . tapi lewat balqis dan tulisan tulisan hati orang ini gue bisa mengerti . sedikit tentang siapa dia . paling nggak sekarang gue memberi poin lebih kepada dia.
diatanra semua cerita tentang bagaimana cinta dia kepada balqis, mungkin cuman sedikit yang tau kalau rasa yang sama ada di sisi balqis, penyesalan datangnya terlambat, gue tau itu . tau banget. dan kalo gue tanya apa maunya semesta? mungkin semesta gamau cinta lama balqis untuk move on dan ga sakit hati lagi. iyasih balqis memang bodoh idiot feral dan segala kata-kata kasar yang gue gapunya waktu untuk tulis, atau nanti blog gue ditangkep gara-gara ga lulus sensor.
tapi gue tau kalo balqis bener-bener nyesel, dan dia masih sayang .
disinilah cinta terbukti kembali terpendam. bukan di satu hati aja. tapi di dua hati.
tiga deh. tambahin sama hati gue yang selalu acak-acakan inside. mikirin valdy yang semakin hari semakin anjing . tapi gue udh abis kata-katasih buat ngomong sama dia. kayak ngomong sama tembok. gaada gunanya banget .
anyway, sekarang gue lagi duduk. ngetik. ngerampas macbooknya balqis buat nge blog. udh rasanya udh lama banget gak ngeblog . setelah mau sok-sok bule dengan nge post pake bahasa inggris, gue sadar kalo grammar gue ga beda jauh sama google translate, masih banyak cacatnya. mulai sekarang gue akan kembali lagi menggunakan bahasa indonesia.
gue menyaksikan balqis sedang menahan sakit di ulu hatinya itu, melihat dia nyoba buat nelen semua perasaannya ke ujung kakinya supaya lupa, dia tau kalau ini salah dia . tapi bukannya lebih baik terlambat daripada ngga sama sekali. gue disini menyaksian cintanya yang harus di tarik lagi masuk ke dalam jiwanya, gabisa di lepas, kembali lagi terhalang oleh keadaan. disini gue duduk dan ngeliat balqis yang megangin iPhonenya dan berkali-kali memejamkan matanya demi menahan rasa sakit luka yang dia buat sendiri . life is ironically funny, dia yang tembak mati cinta lamanya tapi dia ikut ketembak . dia yang mutusin tali diantara mereka, tapi malahan dia yang jatoh . jatuh cinta itu cape . sumpah cape. tapi manusia tetep ngelakuin itu terus-terusan. disini gue jadi saksi balqis yang harus menahan tangis karna dia mau ketemu so-called-cinta barunya balqis.
tapi gue tau. dan gue ngerti sakitnya. gue pernah disana. pernah ngerasain semua jenis sakit yang dia rasain. gue juga pernah merem-merem liatin kenangan, tiduran di sofa di cafe yang sepi nangis, sakit.
balqis gaakan bisa lama-lama boong, hatinya masih disana, masih di tempat dimana dia memutuskan untuk berjalan beda arah sama cinta lamanya.
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