this is getting old v

it has been for the longest time, felt like forever. 
he is still all i ever wanted in my life, and i hate the way i don't hate him.
he needs to be dead, or i have to hate him to death to be able to move this sad story somewhere else because the plot has been stuck for quite a while. 
and i am bored, with the way i long for his presence around me, i am bored with how he always going to be unreachable.
my epic love is not the one i hide between the shadow, its out on display for the rest of the world
he is nothing special, he is ordinary, he is stupid, he's a delusional dreamer, and he breaks my heart. 
and i am tired of fatigue, i'm tired of hiding my soul beneath my eyes, and the sadness that breaks my silent night. 
while he is out there dancing tango with the girl that he grow affection upon, i am here shouting the despair in the center of my wasted heart. 
and i am such an imbecile for not even considering the situation, practicing self denial with just a little possibilities that comes only when i have to turn and change my life the complete other way around. 

and this is getting old, yes. 
all the pain and the forlorn, yes. 
all the burning thoughts, yes. 
even the memory i cherish the most shoot me with a riffle gun. 
this is getting old. 
all energy i waste on loving him, yes. 
all the time that passed by me because of him, yes. 
and all the good times, only ones i ever remembered about him, yes. 

he's a cancer of my soul. 
i have soul cancer and its all because of him.

and now that you know, my soul has been damaged you see why he is in the vessel of my blood, and in the beating heart of mine. 

and he lives in every cell in my system, to the smallest form there is. 
he lives in every component of oxygen i inhaled, he is in every atom that moves unnoticeably, to the obviousness of sun's goodbye. 

he is just always there even when he is never been there, and i am bored of my pathetic illusion of him everywhere. 

this is getting old. 

and he forgot to bought me the ticket to move on. and i don't know where to go, i left myself to him blind folded, and now i can't find my way back home. 

to my perfect scarless loving heart. 

to my pure sanity. 

to the place where i thought falling into his oblivion is a fairy tale.