today I'm doing CAS with hamba tuhan.
so happy. but i have some breathing problem because of my asthma . and its so painful. you can't imagine how much i suffer this afternoon. thank god i have Indaya by my side. yeah today Calvin is the hero.
anyway. I'm really really really happy that we're doing CAS together. how many times have i mention that? hundreds of time? sorry I'm just THAT excited. even if he's not. sad. that I never learned my lesson. why can't i protect my self. why can't i just learn not to go out on the limb over and over again, faced again with the same mistake.
so idiot. letting my self being tricked by my own perception of hamba tuhan. stupid diva, I'm afraid that this is something serious, the kind of affection that i will never lose. you know because when i love someone i never lose affection, no matter what. even if their not the front runner of my mind, still. feelings are feelings. they can come back any time, love is just something that hide behind your eyes. one glance or memories recalled than it'll all come back.
its so hard to act normal around him and i cant fake it. duh maybe i need some acting class. why did i made my life so complicated and hard. IDIOOOOOOTTTTTTT.
the loser inside of me has spoken. I'll give more that I get. I never see perfection through human imperfection. promise me you'll hit me with something hard if i hurt my self . jaa?
Kamis, 27 September 2012
Sabtu, 15 September 2012
Hamba Tuhan Prolog
okay .
i need to tell you guys the story about someone in my new school .
yes, i transferred school.
now I'm at Global Jaya International School.
well just call this guy Hamba Tuhan........... why? you don't really need to know why.
the thing is THIS GUY IS LIKE FUCKING CUTE.
he's insanely smart also . he's like one of my perfect boy .
he's not perfect but for me he's like the list of everything that i wanted to have .
i saw him and i called him "the cutie" but i didn't notice him that much, until a few time i saw him in the hallway, and then when i went to our principal office i saw him there waiting that is the first time i know his name ... hamba tuhan, and he turns out to be so smart, and so adorable and stuff but i didn't realize that i have a crush on him.
the moment that i realize i have a crush on him is when i felt this adoring feeling towards him, and then my friend brought that up, so i realize i did.
that moment is when we are in the music room, it was the four of us there he was playing guitar and singing and i said to my self "god, what a freakin' human you made over here"
and then i found out that he took film class, I TOOK FILM CLASS TOO! I', so glad that i did, and at that one class i sat next to him and that's when i start to learn his name better that before, i know when his birthday is, what language he could speak, what kind of music he likes, who is the girl that he fell in love with, and i showed him this picture of me and valdy, and the showed me the pict of 'the girl' and well yeah...
but.. look at me? would he ever like me? he's like the captain of awesomeness. and I'm just me .
one day everything changes like literally . he didn't talk to me like before. he's kinda like avoiding me somehow . i don't know maybe its just me who felt that way but seriously, he did. anyway, you know me ryt? even tho i have a enormous crush on him, if he being a jerk then he is . no excuse. my respect is slightly decreasing . but the sad thing is i can't even fake a smile around him, he's like super something else, its like things have changed big time, and it happen so fast, i mean what is up with him anyway? i assume that someone told him that i like him, so he become so awkward and all . I'm not sure, i just don't want this to be something serious bcs from my point of view right now, having a crush on him isn't going to make my any better.
its like valdy all over again and ginsha all over again. I'm so FED up with this silly opera of life. my exs moving on, happy with their so-called-blessed life, not that I hate them . i kinda envy them. seems like they're having the time of their life, and I'm being served with the same crap everytime . this crushes i have, well not on valdy definitely, he is way more than just a crush. way way way more than that. but i don't need the story of unrequited love anymore, i didn't ask too much, i just wanna be his close friend, someone he called at night to tell crappy unimportant pointless story, and just simply share with me about anything going on in my life . because i missed being like that for someone.
i used to be that way to valdy. and now i lost him, i don't know where my percy go. he went away, too far away, i can't see him he is way over there.
I'm doing CAS with hamba tuhan by the way . WISH ME LUCK.
ptyl.
i need to tell you guys the story about someone in my new school .
yes, i transferred school.
now I'm at Global Jaya International School.
well just call this guy Hamba Tuhan........... why? you don't really need to know why.
the thing is THIS GUY IS LIKE FUCKING CUTE.
he's insanely smart also . he's like one of my perfect boy .
he's not perfect but for me he's like the list of everything that i wanted to have .
i saw him and i called him "the cutie" but i didn't notice him that much, until a few time i saw him in the hallway, and then when i went to our principal office i saw him there waiting that is the first time i know his name ... hamba tuhan, and he turns out to be so smart, and so adorable and stuff but i didn't realize that i have a crush on him.
the moment that i realize i have a crush on him is when i felt this adoring feeling towards him, and then my friend brought that up, so i realize i did.
that moment is when we are in the music room, it was the four of us there he was playing guitar and singing and i said to my self "god, what a freakin' human you made over here"
and then i found out that he took film class, I TOOK FILM CLASS TOO! I', so glad that i did, and at that one class i sat next to him and that's when i start to learn his name better that before, i know when his birthday is, what language he could speak, what kind of music he likes, who is the girl that he fell in love with, and i showed him this picture of me and valdy, and the showed me the pict of 'the girl' and well yeah...
but.. look at me? would he ever like me? he's like the captain of awesomeness. and I'm just me .
one day everything changes like literally . he didn't talk to me like before. he's kinda like avoiding me somehow . i don't know maybe its just me who felt that way but seriously, he did. anyway, you know me ryt? even tho i have a enormous crush on him, if he being a jerk then he is . no excuse. my respect is slightly decreasing . but the sad thing is i can't even fake a smile around him, he's like super something else, its like things have changed big time, and it happen so fast, i mean what is up with him anyway? i assume that someone told him that i like him, so he become so awkward and all . I'm not sure, i just don't want this to be something serious bcs from my point of view right now, having a crush on him isn't going to make my any better.
its like valdy all over again and ginsha all over again. I'm so FED up with this silly opera of life. my exs moving on, happy with their so-called-blessed life, not that I hate them . i kinda envy them. seems like they're having the time of their life, and I'm being served with the same crap everytime . this crushes i have, well not on valdy definitely, he is way more than just a crush. way way way more than that. but i don't need the story of unrequited love anymore, i didn't ask too much, i just wanna be his close friend, someone he called at night to tell crappy unimportant pointless story, and just simply share with me about anything going on in my life . because i missed being like that for someone.
i used to be that way to valdy. and now i lost him, i don't know where my percy go. he went away, too far away, i can't see him he is way over there.
I'm doing CAS with hamba tuhan by the way . WISH ME LUCK.
ptyl.
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