fafa flaffy my waffly.

fafa is the brother that i never had. the boyfriend with no reward. one of the best person in my life.

he used to be my senior in high school, and he is recently studying at EICAR film academy in Paris.

and its holiday now so i got to see him again, because he is in the country at the moment. 

and i met him a couple of time i'll put a pict of us later on the post. 

he couldn't come back in anymore perfect time than now. my life recently has been quite a crazy ride for a sixteenyearsold. and when the time i needed his hugs the most he is here to hug me, and never let the hugs go...

i have always wanted to have a big brother, to look out after me, to be there when i cry, to lend his shoulder when i need to rest my head. 

i tell you something that his hugs are the best, I'm not trying to exaggerate, but you know that feeling that you could be just safe forever there, like valdy's hug, yeah fafa's hug is kinda like that too, maybe the fact that i trust this person so much, and how i long to have a brother just like him made everything just perfectly perfect. 

at times i feel like i could just you know put all of my weight in his hugs and it wont matter at all. i could cry a river and everything still going to be alright. 

he may not always be there for me, or he may not always so eager to listen, but he tried his best to be there for me and to listen to me and that means the world to me. 

he is someone that i never thought would play such a big role in my life, i mean guys he's my senior, at school, where i am notorious for the scandal that i am involved in. 

but unlike most people he gave me chance, he gave me the benefit of the doubt. 

no matter how twisted i am. 

and he support me even if he is thousand miles apart. he tried. never to let me down.

i wish everyone of you has your own fafa you know 0.0

v for val

Its always gonna come down to this moment.

And i hate it so much when this time comes around .
And i just wanna close my eyes and let it go, but i cant do that, these memory are the ones left behind for me yo hold on to, and i have nothing else.

But this memory kills me, it breaks my bones, and burn my flesh, it feels like a knife stabbing on my chest.

And it follows me to every dark alley, a light that blinds my eyes but guide me through the darkness.
He's the light of the world . My world.

Well atleast he used to be. Not anymore . Everything changes.

except my feeling perhaps. this is sad. 

He likes it when i break down and cry, its his thing breaking promises he made, and his entertaiment is seeing me going out of my head, and having my heart fall out.

Watching me whorship him from time to time. Laughing at my misery.

Having so much fun putting rocks on my way.

Anyway i just finished watching the easy A.
Well like every other time i watched this kind of movie, i am always going to cry and put my hand together form a fist and violating my blanket.

I wanted to have these moment someday, you know, or maybe i did but theres just no camera around to capture my amazingly sweet cliche moment. I dont know.

Or the fact that things like this become much more casual nowdays, it becomes so meaningless, but for someone that have quite a twisted point of view on these things i cant really say that.

movies drives me 50 shades of cray cray

another one

today is alfrida birthday surprise party and i went to mcd meeting all of the people there, and there is one person that i am so anxious about. 
guess?
of course its valdy.................. oh for the love of god. 
so it was merely awkward at first, we did not even speak to each other, i know for sure that he's somehow trying to avoid me. 
idk..... maybe its just my feeling. 

my heart beats faster than lifeguards during a rescue on a very dangerous rip. he is a dangerous rip tho, i am stuck after all.

i'm trying hard to talk to him. think about all of the things i could come up with, but the only sentences coming outta my mouth was a sarcastic comment criticizing his credibility. 

i know he probably want to punch me in the face, or let along care about what i say. 

so i strike a conversation about the whole pilot thing, seemed to be working very well........

right before we part, he smiled at me.......... i dont even know what to feel

im exited. im happy. and i've been missing that smile for quite a while...
i forget how to be happy about it. don't get me wrong . i am thrilled to see that smile again. its just.......... 

i missed it so much, and knowing that i will never get that smile again. but turns out i see that smile again lighting the whole parking block. 

i feel so blessed... i miss him so much.