another one

today is alfrida birthday surprise party and i went to mcd meeting all of the people there, and there is one person that i am so anxious about. 
guess?
of course its valdy.................. oh for the love of god. 
so it was merely awkward at first, we did not even speak to each other, i know for sure that he's somehow trying to avoid me. 
idk..... maybe its just my feeling. 

my heart beats faster than lifeguards during a rescue on a very dangerous rip. he is a dangerous rip tho, i am stuck after all.

i'm trying hard to talk to him. think about all of the things i could come up with, but the only sentences coming outta my mouth was a sarcastic comment criticizing his credibility. 

i know he probably want to punch me in the face, or let along care about what i say. 

so i strike a conversation about the whole pilot thing, seemed to be working very well........

right before we part, he smiled at me.......... i dont even know what to feel

im exited. im happy. and i've been missing that smile for quite a while...
i forget how to be happy about it. don't get me wrong . i am thrilled to see that smile again. its just.......... 

i missed it so much, and knowing that i will never get that smile again. but turns out i see that smile again lighting the whole parking block. 

i feel so blessed... i miss him so much.