mr. number fourteen

so its my birthday 5 days ago, and someone just decide to show up :) la la la 

he's my ex boyfriend who i happen to at some point being mention in this blog here it goes 
well, my insane friend just decide to search for his line ID and just mssg him out of the blue, telling him that he shud come to my surprise party. 

its insanity, the last time i saw him was somewhat two years ago, when we finally, well he officially got sick of me. a lot of people eventually did. 

and for two years it was total AWOL, we did not even talk at all, and the fact that even said yes to my totally crazy friend was a miracle itself, he drove a car to my house which is very very very very far from what i have always known as his house, and turns out it did took him 3 and 1/2 hour drive to my house, jakarta traffic is just inevitably insane. 

i dont even know how to react when i saw his face in my room. its indescribable. 
he has changed a lot, this is him when he was with me:

 he wore sleeveless tops very very often, use his worn out converse black shoes, loving asking alexandria, wearing bra straps on his wrist, and a wrist band he usually took from me, and he's rock n roll as fuck, he smoke all the time, drink all the time, use this scouter to go to my house, and ranting about how his sexy byson motorcycle has not arrived yet, and saying how cool he would look with it, and he is just dropdead rock n roll. 

and this is him now: 

a lot skinnier(which i hate so much) get rid of the rock n roll stuff, and switch to this very preppy look, with his shirt and vans shoes, and he drove a car now, not so much of rock n roll anymore, his wrist is clean of either band or bra straps, well he still drink from what i heard, ditch asking alexandria and listen to tame impala (the funniest thing on earth is that i happen to only love tame impala out of the other similar type of band) and he uses glasses again now. 

and then the ugly truth hits me hard. 

he is gone. when i looked at him, i don't see my boyfriend anymore. 
i dont see the person i used to love very much, he is officially gone.
now my memories are officially memories, and he is a memory to his present self. 
and it just hit me, that people changes, and i cant feel that i am changing. 

love really is something that hides behind your eyes, with one look, everything falls back in, i never really did forget him, he is a part of my wasted heart. 

well i talked about valdy far more often that i ever talk about him, but you know........ it does not mean that he's not there. 

he's the only ex boyfriend i always blabb about. bedil this. bedil that. bedil who. bedil what. my best friend knows that. they said they were afraid that i turned out to be sad than happy to see him. 

well FYI i really am happy, because i miss him like crazy, and its funny and its weird, but it does worth the shot. 

we did not even hug at all, we shake hands, yes the ex lover, the one i used to run into when my eyes caught his sight, and the one i used to kiss, the one i used to watch family guy with, the one i used to rest to when i am tired, the one that hold me in my sleep (well while waiting for his friend to reply his mssg) and the one person i used to never felt to be awkward with. yes we shake hands. 

and he left early, he said he have to go somewhere else, and i said thankyou that he actually took his time on stop by just to wish me happy birthday, i took a picture with him, its just .... i dont even know the word.

but i am glad that he is there, so much. bcs i really do miss him all these years.