this is one of the things that love did to you.

did i told you earlier that when i love someone i never lose affection upon them?
valdy. the biggest affection i can never get rid of, i just can't simply move on. and i don't know what am i supposed to do. but i know i can't have him, because well i don't know, maybe he just can't love me in the way that i love him. 

so now here we are claiming our self as "bestfriends" but the thing is he never even there. as a bestfriend should be i could hardly have a good conversation with him. like we used to. he's different now. being 'friends' with him, is something i must struggle to deal with, and now since he have a new life, new girlfriend, and stuff he forgot me. i'm so glad that he's happy with his girlfriend, i like to see him smiling and be happy, but still it hurts me like hell everytime. i saw them the other day, both were walking together through the exit door, i felt like i am falling apart, literally. like every part of my body start failing. and its not because an ENORMOUS jealousy, its because i miss him. i miss he treated me as if i am matter, i miss our time together, talking endlessly in the middle of the night about how to made me close my eyes and fall asleep, i miss his voicenotes trying to sing properly, and giving me advice, i miss hugging him, because i can't hug him anymore, things are just to awkward, i miss the day when he was inside my wardrobe on my birthday, and surprise me with my friends, and i miss when he said that he really miss me so much, that i'm his lovely little sister that he will always love forever, and he will never forgot me nor our friendship, and that i'm irreplaceable. LOOK. LOOK closely at where we are today. hardly talk to each other. so where did the forever part go? mysteriously vanish?! 

and the best duking thing that came out of his mouth was ....


"yeah, i know, but what to do? we have our new life, and new friends, and we're just so busy yet happy with our own life" 

seriously? I MEAN SERIOUSLY?
so now we have 'our own life' , so you didin't count me in.

and here i am, swimming inside the pile of memories, that maybe, i'm the only one who remember this things. 

no matter what and to whom i devoted my everything, i will never stop loving this guy. 


never. 13 itu tetep kamu sama aku.