today I'm doing CAS with hamba tuhan.
so happy. but i have some breathing problem because of my asthma . and its so painful. you can't imagine how much i suffer this afternoon. thank god i have Indaya by my side. yeah today Calvin is the hero.
anyway. I'm really really really happy that we're doing CAS together. how many times have i mention that? hundreds of time? sorry I'm just THAT excited. even if he's not. sad. that I never learned my lesson. why can't i protect my self. why can't i just learn not to go out on the limb over and over again, faced again with the same mistake.
so idiot. letting my self being tricked by my own perception of hamba tuhan. stupid diva, I'm afraid that this is something serious, the kind of affection that i will never lose. you know because when i love someone i never lose affection, no matter what. even if their not the front runner of my mind, still. feelings are feelings. they can come back any time, love is just something that hide behind your eyes. one glance or memories recalled than it'll all come back.
its so hard to act normal around him and i cant fake it. duh maybe i need some acting class. why did i made my life so complicated and hard. IDIOOOOOOTTTTTTT.
the loser inside of me has spoken. I'll give more that I get. I never see perfection through human imperfection. promise me you'll hit me with something hard if i hurt my self . jaa?
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